Author: Edward Guenther

Uploaded: November 11th, 2011

Forward

This account of Mr. French’s story “The Fireman’s Slide” has been drastically modified from the original. Mr. French’s spelling and grammar were so bad that his writing could not be understood. The reader of this version will need to remember Mr. French’s vitality and exuberance when he told the story in person. Mr. French is not totally happy with this rendition but he said in the end, “I tinka dat youa canna a do it soa data mya story cana be a published.”

The Fireman’s Slide

By Mr. French

Little Frenchy lived in France with his Mama and Papa and brothers and sisters. They lived at the western edge of the Appennine Mountains near the sea.

One day Papa was in town and a workman was tearing down a tall building. On the side of the building was a fireman’s slide. It was very long and deep. Papa asked the workman if he could have the slide and the workman said, “You maya hava da slida.” So Papa disassembled the great slide and brought it home.

Behind their house was a big hill so Papa drove stakes and secured the slide sections, bolting it all together into one great long tube, only it was like the top half of the tube was sliced off. When it was all finished Papa said, “Ina da mornink youa cana playa ona da slida.”

Frenchy could hardly sleep that night, he was so excited. Morning finally came and the wondrous smell of Mama’s pancakes wafted through the house. They ate great stacks of the butterrmilk cakes, heaped high, with melting butter and warm syrup running down the sides. There were also great fat bear sausages. Frenchy liked to rub the sausage in the syrup, around and around to soak it, and then he would plunk the savory morsel into his mouth. He washed it all down with hot chocolate to warm his innards. Then they set off for the slide.

It was a warm, sunny, fall day with a myriad of colors in the falling leaves. When they got to the slide it was decided that a soft landing was needed so they got wooden rakes and heaped leaves in a huge pile at the bottom of the slide. Then up and up they climbed to the top. It was decided that Frenchy would go first. He was a little afraid but he wouldn’t say so. He climbed into the deep welled slide and down the tube he plunged. Faster and faster he flew, coming to the leveled off bottom at full speed before sailing into the leaves. The leaves fluttered everywhere, glittering yellow and orange and red in the golden sunlight, flashing against the blue sky background, before tumbling to the green grass. Frenchy’s face lit up with joy but then a frown creased his brow as he wondered, “Dat wasa a lot of funa but whata wasa dat a ripa I heard?” For as he had hit the bottom of the slide there had been a terrific tearing and ripping sound.

Upon examination Frenchy discovered that his pants were split wide right in the rear. He hollered to the top, “Don’ta coma downa. Da rippa!” And he turned and showed how he had to hold his torn pants together. They all ran down and with Frenchy they examined the bottom of the slide. Sure enough there was a rusted spot that turned into a jagged piece of metal sticking up. Frenchy proclaimed, “I tinka dat maybe dis isa da problem.”

Together they pondered the situation and in the end trouped back to the top of the fireman’s slide with a squarish piece of cardboard. Again Frenchy went first, sitting on the cardboard, mama having patched his britches. Down he whisked and sailed out into the pile of leaves. Sitting on the ground Frenchy thought, “Data wasa terrifica but whata do you tinka? I hearda dat ripa again.”

Frenchy felt his backside and was relieved to find Mama’s stitchwork still holding! “What den youa supposa was dat ripa?” But when he examined the cardboard he found the rip was in it!

All day the children played on the slide and in the leaves. Papa’s fireman’s slide was a big success and the cardboard saved their britches.