Author: Donald Guenther
Uploaded: 10/25/2013

My oldest brother Ron loved to tease his younger brothers. He’d wrestle us one at time and beat us soundly. His last match would be against my sister Dory’s favorite, the youngest, whose name was Davy Cricket Crockett Charles Guenther. Ron would let little Davy beat him. Now with Davy being the champion he’d say we couldn’t wrestle Davy unless we beat him first. Brother Davy died at 42 and that means there is just one brother younger than myself that has to go before I might get a chance of being the youngest and therefore the champion. I am just waiting for my time. Some may want to be the oldest or vie for the title of the Big Kahuna but my aspiration has always to be the youngest. 

When Ron would tell the story of the Three Little Pigs he’d give the pigs our names. The pig with my name always got eaten up. My little brother Davy’s pig ate wolf stew for dinner in his brick house. Even my brother Ed, sister Louise’s favorite tootsie, got eaten up. You can see my line of reasoning for trying to be the littlest pig. I would rather not go into my sugar addiction problem that further adds to my size problem. I grew up on the plump side. No wonder the wolf ate me up. 

My birthing order delivers a fatal blow. I am number 10 in a family of 14. People talk about their birthing order and how it has impacted their lives. I tried looking up my number 10 and the birthing order analysis ended at 9. Even the analysis seemed to be saying those born in double digit birthing order have indeterminate behavioral patterns.  

I did get to sit at the little kids table for holiday dinners and think of being called a little gun as a compliment. I had it pretty good. When I came along my older brothers and sisters had suffered through life with piano lessons and the sort. At number 10 the funds had long ran out for that kind of treatment. My younger siblings did get a bit more when funds came back as older brothers and sisters moved out. I almost got in on that. My analysis has it that the older siblings get the goods, the middle siblings get none and the younger siblings get spoiled with the goods again. In a big family it doesn’t pay to be in the middle of the pack. Even my IQ is lacking because my parents didn’t speak to me much. 

Names are interesting. The older kids were named after famous relatives, like Uncle Dick who died in the war. I was named after my sister’s doll. How low can you get. I have never heard of someone being named after a doll. That is one dark secret that I haven’t even told my own children. I need healing in that area. My sisters told me that I should be proud that I was named after their dolls. I wish they would think that through a bit. Being on the receiving end is no fun. At least the dolls were boys. 

There was really one area that a person in the family got attention and that was in sports. Sports meant everything to my dad. Unfortunately, my feet grew too large and I was slow and then there was the latent mental damage from being told the wolf was going to eat me up. Altogether this load did me in. I couldn’t follow after my namesake, dolls and become much. I had been trained that I couldn’t wrestle. Finally I have figured out what being number 10 did for me, it helped me understand the humor in life. 

Read by Jereme Guenther